Five Months in Retrospect

One of the benefits of a blog is the ability to freely write and feel relief. As such, I am impressed to take a moment and reflect on the past 5 months of my life.

In July 2010, I knew this much:

I considered myself a fairly strong person. Happy. Career-driven. Caring. Perfectionistic. While I thought I was a well-balanced individual, in hindsight, I was easily a 'work-a-holic'. Though somewhat imperfect in some elements, life was good (as the infamous trademark would say).

On July 27, 2010 this drastically changed.

Life became ... harder. Though at first I tried to be strong and "push through", my health slowly caught up to me. Food became the enemy. My energy was the next to go. The term "spiraling downward" was a literal reality. During the next five months, I became very familiar with the healthcare system I have been studying to "improve".

Within the months I experienced:

-2 ER visits (Ohio and New Hampshire)

-Upper Endoscopy

-Ultrasound

-CT Scan (with contrast!)

-HIDA Scan

-Colonoscopy

-Gallbladder Surgery

Along with several various doctor appointments and 'diagnoses'.

Now, it is interesting how your view on life changes when you are unable to successfully live it for long periods of time. There are moments of: "why me?", "I give up", "Tomorrow will hopefully be better" and "tears". But no matter how I look at it, I am a better and even stronger person because of the past 5 months and all the moments, thoughts and feelings that were associated with them.

What have I learned? About life...myself...happiness? A lot.

But here are a few key elements...

As of January 2011, this is my new outlook and thoughts on my life:

1. You cannot live your life alone. Or even think you can. It is when you are at your weakest that you realize that you must count on others to pull you through. And when you are your highest, you must act as that bolstering effect to those around you.

2. When you think you are at your lowest....it can still get lower. To quote Jane from Disney's Tarzan: "Well it can't get any worse can it? ... Why yes, yes it can."

3. Life can never be solely defined by your occupation. Ever.

4. You must 'let your inner child out to play'. Often.

5. I have more willpower than I realize. (Giving up gluten for 5 months will do that to you.)

6. Fear and anxiety are real. And should not just be "pushed aside" as a 'little thing'.

7. After getting sick, chronically, you learn who your 'true' friends are.

8. I have complete empathy for anyone with a food allergy or special dietary concern. COMPLETE empathy.

9. Happiness is not solely defined. It is a VERY complex emotion.

10. Persistence is a trait that I should never forget. (Especially during my long haul of getting a Ph.D.).

No matter how many lessons I learned, the most important thing is that I have been improved as a person. Were the past five months some that I never want to relive? Yes. But am I glad they happened? Yes. We can only grow when we have been pushed to our lowest.

For those that have stood by me during this time. Thank you. Words cannot express my appreciation. I hope this song summarizes my feelings however...